Tonight makes 10 weeks since arriving in New York. At the urging of my good brother for over 20 years, the Chatan, Nachshon Block, I’m writing for you and for my blog. Originally, I was booked to return on Sept.3rd , the day of his wedding. But I was able to change it to be at the wedding. Unless HaShem has any more surprises for me, I leave Sept 4th and arrive home on the 5th. And this brings us to the topic of the day: ‘unless HaShem….. .’

Simple as it is, I couldn’t have planned or manufactured this trip in my fondest dreams. I only new this:

“Ribbono Shel Olam – Master of the Universe: Enough already. Enough. You want me to do good things? You want me to save lives? You want me to get married? Be an abba? So nu? Enough already! Enough of the pain. Enough of the anguish. Enough of the heaviness. You once showed me a different world. You remember? It was just 18 years ago – Gevalt! A lifetime ago. It was Shabbas Parshat Bamidbar – the Sabbath that we read the first portion of Numbers – the Shabbos before Shavuos, before Ma’amad Har Sinai – the Sabbath before the Holy Day of Shavuot, before the Revelation at Sinai – before the FIRST Fire On The Mountain. Remember?

You sent Dovid’ll to me after davening. He said, “Moishe’le, you look particularly miserable these days. There’s a picnic in Central Park tomorrow. Why don’t you come?” I said, “What picnic?” He said, “Just come.” And crazy as it was, I went.

Rainbow! Who knew? Who knew that in 1989 Reagan/Bush America, there were people who cared? Who knew there people who loved, received and accepted and gave, without question? Who knew there people filled with joy, unselfish, wise and kind? Who knew there were hippies left in the world? And the next day, I didn’t go back to work.

Remember what happened that morning? I got up for work, showered, blown-dried my hair in place, made sure the beard was pefectly trimmed. And I was tying my tie and low and behold, I forgot how to tie my tie. It was gone! Know matter what I did, the capacity to tie my tie was taken from me. And then I heard that voice for the first time: ‘We dream through our hearts, conceptualize with our minds and manifest with our hands. HaShem puts a dream in our hearts, it’s travels up and connects with our heads and then we make it come true with our hands. What does Brother Other Side do? He has us wear a noose around our necks so that before HaShem’s dream connects with our heads, it can be chocked off and then they can replace HaShem’s dream with their ‘dream.’

And right then and there, I said, ‘I ain’t doin’ this anymore! I’m not living this lie anymore. And then I turned to You and I said, ‘HaShem? I might be homeless and hungry on the streets. I might not keep Shabbos and Yom Tov and Kashrus anymore. But I’m not running from You. I’m running TO! You. I don’t want to live in the world anymore if Shlomo’s Torah isn’t true. Shlomo’s Torah is poetry in the four walls of his Shul. But when you go outside, you’re in Reagan/Bush Manhattan. I won’t live in that world anymore. Simple as it is.'”

And You showed me that Shlomo’s Torah was true; that there were people living it in the world in an inside way. You brought me to the Rainbow and showed me that there people who received the message that You are One and what that means and what imperatives emerged from that knowing. You gave me an awesome wealth of teachers of all kinds and ages and nations who were patient and loving; who understood from whence I came, what was inside of me and whatat I needed and they gave it all to me, in Your Holy Name.

My Rainbow Family. You brought me to these people who taught me that when Shlomo says in Rebbe Nachman’s name, that “People who are afraid of making mistakes, never do anything right their whole lives.” that, that’s true. And you gave me infinite space to become good by making mistakes. You gave me space to find out if I can do, that I can do, that what I do is good and the space to refine it all. You taught me what REAL tribal living was about. You taught me about the Earth and the Heavens and our bodies and how to care for another and how to do service. You gave me room and shoulders to cry on and taught me how to really laugh and what was really funny. You taught me how to live. And so much more. Thank you my precious Rainbow Family.

HaShem, Thank you for giving me a portion of the Rainbow.

And you gave me Tour. You gave me Jerry. You brought me to the only place that one could experience authentic holy Ultimates: Ultimate Joy, Ultimate Love, Ultimate Oneness. Ahhh…Spinning days. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to spin again and receive those clear, direct messages, teachings, revelations and directions from You. You gave me The Family. With all that was off. There was so much on. They taught me so much about You and how to serve You. I had the space and opportunity to talk to You as I never was able to before. They taught me Hisbodedus. I didn’t even know that Rebbe nachman pushed it so hard. Thank You.

And in all of the journeys, in all of the clear, direct moments, times, synchronicities of Hashgacha Pratit – Your personal, active partnering participation in my life, in all the above, You showed me Olam Haba’a – The Coming World. And so….

And so I said to You, Enouegh! I need to see that You again. I need to know that You again. If just for the healing. If just for the respite. And You gave it all back to me, but even better. You gave me, me.

And so it’s 18 years later, In a week I will return to Yerushalayim and everythings new. The pain is as gone as it has a right to be. The anguish is gone. The suffering is gone. The heaviness and anger is gone. I still have a full schedule of people who You’ve sent to me; still service to do and who knows what further wonders and miracle You have in store for me. But may I ask, please, get me home as I’ve booked. Give me a week forward in the Land before Rosh HaShanah. Which reminds me. Last year, I left Rainbow and there was that lie of George’s proxy war in the north. And then my Palestinian cousin broadsiding my head with a solid piece of the Holy Land, 9 days before Rosh HaShanah.

I hope and pray I don’t need such a kapara – such a karmic dues payment – this year. And so I pray for one and all to You, HaShem, the One and Only One. How about a seriously better year for everyone? How about a year of material sustainance for those without, healthy food in abundance and dignified homes for those in need, as well as clothing? How about a year without disease? How about a year of Healing and a year of Joy? How about a year of Oneness and a year of Love? How about a year of Redemption? How about a year of Peace. How about Yom SheKulo Shabbos – That all days forever be filled with Shabbos? How about now? Like Shlomo said, “Can’t you find a better way?”

So Nachshon, this what you had in mind? ‘Cause I certainly had nothing in mind when I started. But isn’t that par for the course.

Uh….Keep dem carda and letters coming, folks! And if you’re in NYShity, Tuesday night, tomorrow night at tghe Knitting Factory, direct from Yerushalayim, HAMAKOR! Live in concert. They go on about 8:30pm. I’ll b dere. Be dere or b skware!

Peace, Y’all

Oh! A big shout out to all the Kerrville Folk and Little Folk Festival. Wish I could be there. How’s Hondo?