I have been recently been in touch with a friend from 30 years ago, from another time, another place, another consciousness. Here’s some of the conversation. Mostly me, as usual.

I can see that you live in a very deep way, that feelings are how you are to the world and how you want to communicate with everyone. On a very deep level.

What would be the point of living any other way? And why would one want to live any other way? And where did the notion originate that there should be or is any other way to relate? And it’s more than just emotions and feelings. These are just words that we use to locate from where within, something originated. But we each understand these words in different ways, depending upon so much. Not the least of which what we have learned beyond what we think something means or represents. It depends on what we have invested our lives to knowing and of course an argument exists that we need all the different ways. If there were no academics, who would teach the new doctors and scientists and architects and engineers and all the profession society depends upon.

Equally, the argument can be brought that unifying link between all these different kinds of people is a universal way of relating; with trust and without fear, with courage to know rather than retreat into the seeming safety of ignorance. Emotional intelligence is key to making life work. Without, relationships simply cannot prosper. So while society grows exponentially in technological advancement, love just doesn’t work, marriages just don’t endure and children pay the price. And the systems just don’t work and people suffer. And mostly because of the decultivation of innate emotional intelligence that is the one thing more than anything that we bring into this world from heaven.

I watch and experience so much needless suffering because people are so traumatized that they can’t overcome barriers of heart and mind, spirit and soul, and therefore loose that which they want the most: to love and be loved. To know beyond knowing that they are not alone in the world. It is the one thing that unifies all human beings. Even the one that consciously chooses to remain alone, does it because the trust and faith in love has been robbed from him. So we substitute and adjust and continue wondering about our lives. And I could go on, of course, but for now…..

There is real sense of boundarilessness (is that a word?) that I get from you.

While you sense it to be boundarilessness (why not it be a word? and who cares, anyway), it is not, It is something else. The hint of lack of boundaries with emotions is a powerful conditioned fear. And yes, within society as it’s currently constituted, this concern is real, prudent and proper. But it also contains within it an admission of something powerfully wrong and beyond the means, will and/or know-how to overcome. Consequently, the lid is placed at the earliest of age. My job is to work to fix that brokenness. It is the ultimate job there is. We are attending to the trees and water and animals and air. We’re becoming evermore conscious of diet and finances and, and, and….except for the most important thing: us. More carefully delineated, constructed and articulated boundaries and borders exist within conscious community. Its part of what being conscious is all about. And it is out of conscious community that the notions of borders and boundaries in relationships emerged to be part of society’s lexicon. In Yiddishkeit, we call it the halachot and mitzvot of tzniut, lashon hara, etc. The lack of such is a societal disease of epidemic proportions. And that is because relationships are out of whack and people posses little intelligence as to what their feelings and emotions are and what to do with them and about them.

I know very few people who live like that. It is something that most people can’t take except in small doses.

This is for a number of reasons. First and most obvious is because people have a hard enough time with managing their own lives and have little energy to loose themselves in someone else’s krechtzing. We’re afraid to get too caught up. And we don’t know how to help or respond anyway. Hang out in most hospitals. When a person or loved one need emotional intelligence the most, it is rare to come. And this from the institutionalized healing world.

I remember far too well the masks and costumes people employ to ‘make it’ in New York. I just read an article in the Times about the minimum costs of attire to be and remain successful in the investment, legal and banking worlds: upwards of $67,000 and that’s with economizing. I remember in my early enthusiastic, shtark hippie days in ’91 or ’92. I was riding on the Lex line downtown to city hall district. I was of course, invisible in my Guatemalan clothes. There was a guy, late 20’s, early 30’s, in a suit, checking him reflection in the subway car window and making adjustments to his tie and smoothing out his hair and, and, and…. And then I began to imagine him in different outfits. I imagined him in his tennis togs with the sweater over his shoulders, his Banana Republic khakis in a bar with the guys, etc. And I realized that he didn’t exist. Just his wardrobe and he became whatever he was wearing. The clothes make the man.

How could such a guy ever know what a woman wants or needs or is or even realize the significance of the degree and depth of his ignorance. And how could such a creature ever really know how to cultivate and nurture that lies deep within the souls of his children. When he has to put on so many different masks and address people in so many different ways depending upon standing and relationship and evolution and enlightenment, how can he know who he is, let alone, anyone else? Small doses? The problem is small vessels, not knowing about vessels, not knowing you get them and increase their capacity and that doing this transforms all existence. Having small vessels is metaphorically like have thin veins. Heart pays the price.