It’s been nearly a week since my last post. Things have caught up with me. From the Wednesday before going to Uman until Sunday night, I wsn’t home. Whatever the particulars of what seemed to hold me back, I just couldn’t overcome them to return home. Allowing myself the escape of the particulars, I avoided confronting that which was underlying and that I had a vague sense of. And that which I was avoiding. Once home it became clear.

Reb Shlomo says the following: “Why does Sukkos come so soon after Yom Kippur. Because on Yom Kippur, I’m hanging out with all my mistakes and failures. Afterwards, I don’t want to go to the same home where I made all those mistakes. SO HaShem gives me this little house, where I sit filed with joy.”

After the renewal of Uman and Medzibozh, I didn’t want to return to that place that I lived all that darkness (neccessary as it may have been, the blessings that it surely has been). I feared that as soon as I returned home, the hitchadsut – the renewal, would dissapate. And then the challenge of the real work, the reall follow-up from Uman, would begin.

I know myself well. I was right. Coming home to the quietude and silence and solitude of my humble home in the high mountain desert of Tekoa, 45 minutes south of Jerusalem, I feel into the patterns of before. And I sensed the stirrings of potential despair. Even though my class this past Tuesday night was awesome – the best! – yesterday, Wednesday, lay flat.

And therein lies the ultimate benefit of going to Uman: Rebbe Nachman – HASHEM! – won’t let me stay stuck. I received enough, that today was truly a new day. I awoke with renewed vigor, focus and determination. I made serious headway in getting my house in order, cleaning, organizing, etc. It leaves the potential for me to begn next week with my home in a dignified state and therefore with much better feeling and where-with-all to do good work.

Just not falling into patterns of stuckness alone, and even more, knowing that despite my tendencies, something has organically changed, gives me great trust in the present and future. Now I can be creative again and focus and write. Now back to Uman, Part Two.

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